We’re on the same team

Over the last year I have made an observation I would like to share and I am going to be real honest. Women can often be the biggest protectors of patriarchy. Let me break this down for you so you know where I am coming from. I have found that in social settings and at work women are often my harshest critics.

For example, when I first started working in my current role, I was keen to get to know my colleagues. I wouldn’t say I was trying to make friends, but as I knew I would be spending 8 hours a day at work I wanted allies. I was strategic and during lunch I made an effort to speak to the male and female colleagues who worked in different teams.

However, when I tried to speak to the women in my office, to say they were cold, is to put it mildly. I would describe myself as a resilient soul, so this did not deter me and I was able to find my allies at work but this was hard and took a long time. Still, there were a group of girls at work who did not take a liking to me for whatever reason. I have been in my current job for over 2 years, yet to this day there are still a few women in the office I don’t speak to and honestly I have no idea why.

Recently, I have been wondering why this happens. I think it has something to do with the fact that where there is a large group of women in the same environment, there can be a serious element of competition. I would love to hear your thoughts – has this been you?

It is what I call the “Mean Girl Phenomenon”. And yes, this theory is unashamedly based on the film “Mean Girls”. What I mean is that I think that women have been taught to compete with each other for things like, recognition at work, male attention and intellectual kudos.

This is an issue because it suggests that there is only one archetypal successful, attractive or smart woman. This is just not true, but the society we live in gives me and I think many other women the impression that there is only one position available. What I mean is, you can be either the attractive, smart or ambitious woman at work, and that it is not possible to be all three.

How do we change this?

There are so many inspiring women who are working hard to bring down the patriarchy and the sexist assumptions that have invaded our everyday lives. For example, they choose not to wear heels to work, make a point to support the points other women make in meetings and give their time to mentor younger women in the workplace.

However, there are many women who see the ladies around them who challenge narrow views of femininity and power as “extra” or as “too much”.

Ladies, I think this is a behaviour that the patriarchy has taught us and is something we need to unlearn.  I think this is one of the most pervasive forms of everyday sexism.

My point is that I want to be a supporter of you and I want you to be a supporter of me. I truly believe that if more women were more supportive and less critical of the women around them, who dance to the beat of their own drum, I don’t think patriarchy would stand a chance.

Have you been more critical of the women around you? I know I have been a passive participant of the “mean girl phenomenon” and but I am on a mission to change this.

I want to be a supporter of you and I want you to be a supporter of me.