In the last 2 weeks I have witnessed several Twitter discussion or wars rather, where the discussion relates to the choice that some women choose to make. Whether that be to focus on a career, get married and have children, be a stay at home mom or a working mom, it seems feminism is about the right to choose. This makes sense on one level but is also very simplistic. I did some research to see what other views were out there.
First Perspective: No, feminism is not about choice
The researcher and writer assumes that women have a lot more unmitigated freedom than exists in reality. She explains that these choices are shaped by the world around us and real choice can only come about in a “post-patriarchal world”.
Second Perspective: Why Feminism is about choice
The aspiring writer, Tori Shaw, breaks choice down to be; yes, it is okay to be a wife and yes, it is okay to have children and yes, it is okay to enjoy cooking and those things don’t take away from your feminist belief or perspective. She says that what is not okay is the expectation that one must be a domestic goddess because of your gender.
Maybe for you what feminism is and is not is not important and you see yourself as someone who believes in equality. That’s great! I don’t want to sound like a feminist evangelist but I feel like I am about to, so bear with me.
What does this have to do with me?
The reason I started thinking about this and think knowing whether feminism is about choice or not is important is because I think it challenges or supports the idea that women can have it all.
Some women won’t like me saying this but honestly I think the idea that we can have it all is an unhealthy perspective. Why? Because why are women expected be mom’s, career women, domestic goddesses, have every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed. Men don’t have these expectations. Granted they face the challenges of toxic masculinity but that’s another blog post for another time.
I think this unrealistic expectation is linked to the idea that feminism is about having or making a choice because there is the assumption that if you have more choices, you can make not just one, but many. It’s a lot.
I am also conscious of the fact that from where I stand, viewing feminism as a choice is unhelpful because it suggests that as a woman, when the world turns on you, it is not because of misogyny and sexism. It’s also not down to the pay gap, entrenched gender roles, women’s lack of representation in corporate companies and boards or in parliament, or because of an epidemic of violence against women. Instead it’s because you made the wrong choice – unhealthy no?
Maybe this is too much and you don’t agree? I am not saying you need to agree with me. The reason I wanted to write about this topic is because I am all about making an informed choice (see what I did there – irony). Knowing why you see feminism as a choice or not.
I used to see feminism as being about choice but don’t anymore because I started to feel that I should not have to choose and have either choice be judged by society. For example, when I’ve said I am considering focusing on my career and not children someone has said to me:
“Will you care about your career when you’re old and alone?”
On another occasion, I have said I wanted to have more than 4 children and the comment was:
“That would be the end of your career – and you have so much potential”
My issue with this is that when a man chooses to spend time with his children over his career, he is praised and when a man is ambitious and career driven, he is praised. Do you see where I am going with this? This is not the case for me and informs my view that feminism is not about choice.
Let me leave you with this – if feminism is about choice then have we been conditioned to accepted some choices over others?
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If you’ve read this far, thank you. I went a little ham on this post and yes, had a definitive opinion – but didn’t you know feminist’s were opinionated (that was a joke by the way). Everyone needs a little light comic relief when discussing such topics.
Feminist Friday Says #FFS 