Women driving – a win for feminism?

Guess what? Women in Saudi Arabia are now legally allowed to drive. The law changed on June 24 and is seen as a triumph by many Saudi activists.

The move to change the law to allow women to drive began in 1990. You may have seen pictures on social media of police officers giving out flowers to female drivers and fathers giving their blessing. There was quite an event surrounding the lift of the driving ban for women.

When midnight hit, a group of women who had been granted licences started their engines. Some with fathers or brothers alongside, and others in new cars bought for the occasion. Several women shouted with delight. Others cried, and many more took videos of their first time at the wheel.

This legislative change is seen as the last remaining ban of its kind and for the activists who campaigned for this change, the fight was not without it’s challenges.

At least 3 out of 11 of the people linked to the Saudi women’s-rights movement were detained as part of a broader crackdown in May. Several women were targeted in a “smear campaign” on social media and state-linked media outlets, accusing them of being traitors to the state and collaborating with “foreign entities.”

I did a bit of research to try and see if this was the full story and interestingly, the media event that showed the support for the ban lifting, did not give the impression that the Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman is not so keen on free speech.

I was so excited when I saw that women in Saudi Arabia finally have the legal right to drive. In my eyes women driving shouldn’t be a big thing or a triumph. But I saw this shift as representing a change in attitudes and perspectives across different cultures, especially in a country and in a culture that is often perceived as oppressing women. I really felt like it was a win for the feminist movement. But my perspective was not shared by a lot of activists and writers.

The more I looked into this, the more I realised that while this is a win, the war continues. In Saudi Arabia, women are still not allowed to do the following:

1. Make major decisions without male permission
2. Wear clothes or make-up that ”show off their beauty“
3. Interact with men
4. Go for a swim in public
5. Compete freely in sports
6. Try on clothes when shopping

Source: The Week

While these 6 restrictions to the freedom women have, make it clear that equality is a fair way off, I think they also provide a lot of context. Let me break it down. A few days ago, the fact that women were unable to drive would have been on the list too. However, that is not longer a fight women in Saudi Arabia have to face.

The Crown Prince in Saudi Arabia is promoting himself as a reformer and wants to be seen as a progressive leader. I reckon that feminists and activists in Saudi Arabia and internationally can take advantage of this. Yes, the lack of free speech will be a barrier and I don’t make light of that. My point is that in the context of Saudi Arabia this is a win. For all women there but for the feminist movement at large which supports and promotes gender equality.

To use the war analogy – war is won not all in one go but it is won one battle at a time.

Does feminism explain the world around us?

I find myself having very interesting conversations since I started writing this blog. Not too long ago, a friend said to me that they don’t think Feminism is important and that they will never describe themselves as a feminist because it does not explain the world. They said that as a theory it does not help us to understand each other nor a political framework. This got me thinking, does feminism explain the world around me and does it need to?

To give you some context, I started describing myself as a feminist before I understood the perception a lot of people have of feminism. I was a feminist because I believed it to be a theory that recognises the imbalance of power between men and women. This is still the case and having studied feminism I am more convinced of this.

But I know for a lot people their worldview or theoretical understanding needs to be around a concept that explains the world around us. For a lot of people feminism does not do this, but for me it does. But let me explain why and give you some context.

I talked about how faith and feminism can come together in last week’s post and I have a scenario that took place in church a while back that may explain to why I think feminism explains the world around us.  I ended up having a conversation with a stranger about how men and women in a church should relate and how some roles are better suited to men rather than women and vice versa. FYI I’m not going to get into the should women be leaders in the church debate – that is a post for another time.

Their view was that women are naturally more caring and nurturing. They are mothers and wives and so should be responsible for hospitality and teaching the children in the church Christian values. I don’t have an issue with women who want to help with hospitality and Sunday school but I don’t want to feel that is my place or role in church. While I love children and I’d describe myself as friendly, this is not me.

So where does Feminism come into this?

Feminism has taught me that I don’t need to accept other people’s perspectives and ideas of what I should do and be based on my gender. What does that mean in practice? Well, it means I can respectful disagree with the stranger I had a conversation with and feel confident enough to challenge why I am qualified to do some things and not other based on my gender.

Seeing things with a feminist lens, I think, makes me more open-minded and I feel I can understand that their perspective of the roles men and women have in society is based on the gender norms that they have been taught. I am using some flowery, language here I know, but bear with me. What I am getting at, is that I feel freer seeing the world from a feminist perspective. I can see how power whether in church, at work, in politics or even on TV makes society a restrictive place that encourages some while criticising others.

I am aware that I am in danger of being arrogant and assuming that most of the world around me is not as woke and doesn’t fully see the feminist perspective – this is not my intention. What I am saying is that in reality, not feeling bound to restrictive gender norms is so empowering. It is also so helpful because as a ethnic minority, black, female living in the UK I am less angry at the world around me because I can see the patriarchal forces at play and I can choose to opt out.

Is Feminism about choice?

In the last 2 weeks I have witnessed several Twitter discussion or wars rather, where the discussion relates to the choice that some women choose to make. Whether that be to focus on a career, get married and have children, be a stay at home mom or a working mom, it seems feminism is about the right to choose. This makes sense on one level but is also very simplistic. I did some research to see what other views were out there.

First Perspective: No, feminism is not about choice

The researcher and writer Meagan Tyler, is of the opinion that thinking about feminism in terms of choice is limited because it assumes that women have a lot more unmitigated freedom than exists in reality. She explains that these choices are shaped by the world around us and real choice can only come about in a “post-patriarchal world”.

Second Perspective: Why Feminism is about choice

The aspiring writer, Tori Shaw, breaks choice down to be; yes, it is okay to be a wife and yes, it is okay to have children and yes, it is okay to enjoy cooking and those things don’t take away from your feminist belief or perspective. She says that what is not okay is the expectation that one must be a domestic goddess because of your gender.

Maybe for you what feminism is and is not is not important and you see yourself as someone who believes in equality. That’s great! I don’t want to sound like a feminist evangelist but I feel like I am about to, so bear with me.

What does this have to do with me?

The reason I started thinking about this and think knowing whether feminism is about choice or not is important is because I think it challenges or supports the idea that women can have it all.

Some women won’t like me saying this but honestly I think the idea that we can have it all is an unhealthy perspective. Why? Because why are women expected be mom’s, career women, domestic goddesses, have every “i” dotted and every “t” crossed. Men don’t have these expectations. Granted they face the challenges of toxic masculinity but that’s another blog post for another time.

I think this unrealistic expectation is linked to the idea that feminism is about having or making a choice because there is the assumption that if you have more choices, you can make not just one, but many. It’s a lot.

I am also conscious of the fact that from where I stand, viewing feminism as a choice is unhelpful because it suggests that as a woman, when the world turns on you, it is not because of misogyny and sexism. It’s also not down to the pay gap, entrenched gender roles, women’s lack of representation in corporate companies and boards or in parliament, or because of an epidemic of violence against women. Instead it’s because you made the wrong choice – unhealthy no?

Maybe this is too much and you don’t agree? I am not saying you need to agree with me. The reason I wanted to write about this topic is because I am all about making an informed choice (see what I did there – irony). Knowing why you see feminism as a choice or not.

I used to see feminism as being about choice but don’t anymore because I started to feel that I should not have to choose and have either choice be judged by society. For example, when I’ve said I am considering focusing on my career and not children someone has said to me:

“Will you care about your career when you’re old and alone?”

On another occasion, I have said I wanted to have more than 4 children and the comment was:

“That would be the end of your career – and you have so much potential”

My issue with this is that when a man chooses to spend time with his children over his career, he is praised and when a man is ambitious and career driven, he is praised. Do you see where I am going with this? This is not the case for me and informs my view that feminism is not about choice.

Let me leave you with this – if feminism is about choice then have we been conditioned to accepted some choices over others?

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If you’ve read this far, thank you. I went a little ham on this post and yes, had a definitive opinion – but didn’t you know feminist’s were opinionated (that was a joke by the way). Everyone needs a little light comic relief when discussing such topics.

Do I have your permission?

For those well acquainted with my quirks and personality you know I am not a very affectionate person. I am not a hugger by any stretch but I understand the social convention of hugging friends, acquaintances and family at appropriate times. Don’t get me wrong I am devoid of all affection but I’m definitely not your touchy-feely type. It wasn’t anything personal against them, I just didn’t want to hug them.

So why am I sharing this with you. Well I have been in situations recently where I have not wanted to give someone a hug but felt obliged to. For example, you see someone you have not seen in a while and as a way to greet them you hug.

Over the years I have learnt that to refuse a hug is quite rude and most people don’t respond well to this. So I have been socialised to hug people even when I don’t want to as it causes less awkwardness.

It was something I had come to accept up until maybe a year ago when I started to read about consent. I know consent is a big topic and usually associated with sexual consent. But when you think about it consent is essentially asking for permission and does not just apply to bedroom activities. Don’t get me wrong it’s important in the bedroom but it does not end there.

Take the hug example, I have started with. No one would automatically think about this scenario and consent in the same breath. But what I am realising is that the biggest controversy around consent is that it is hard to prove. What I mean is how you know that someone has given you their consent?

I am not suggesting that we walk around asking for permission to do absolutely everything, because while this may be a solution it is impractical. But I think it is important to consider how you can give and check consent.

So for me in the hug scenario, what I realised is that, I am passively giving anyone I hug, but don’t want to hug, permission to hug me. I do this by not saying anything to them when they try and hug me.

As I have reflected on this I have realised that the only way for me to reinforce my right to consent is to say something. It’s simple I know but in practice can be awkward and uncomfortable. But the only way for someone to know that I am not okay to be hugged is for me to ask them not to.

The issue comes when I say that I don’t want to be hugged but am not heard. This is complex because how do I prove to anyone who was not there that I said I did not want to be hugged. It is my word against someone else’s.

I’m using the hugging example because I’ve experienced this with a hug but I’m sure you realise this can be applied to many different situations. Rape is one that I am sure comes to mind.

The reason I feel this relates to feminism is because in the “he said she said” stories often it is the men who are believed and the women who are not believed. Women in such cases are often blamed and they’re seen as “having drunk too much”, they were clearly “out for a good time” or the worst comment “a woman wearing [insert item of clothing] was clearly out for a good time”.

We are hopefully “woke” to the realities of privilege and in the “he said she said” cases male privilege wins almost every time.

Let me give you a recent example of this the news story: Irish rugby stars Paddy Jackson and Stuart Olding cleared of rape.

This whole debacle enraged me – to throw my opinion into the mix, because the whole case was biased. But alas, I won’t rant – well not on here anyway.

But what I realise is that, while for me, consenting to a hug and not wanting to tell someone I don’t want to hug them because it’ll be awkward is a difficult, what many women have to face is a lot more severe.

With the issue of consent, I see it as the patriarchal lesson I have been taught from birth that as a women whether I consent or not is not important because I am not heard. I know it’s a big one. So in my own way I am hoping to fight this sexist attitude and learn the lesson now.

I try and be as practical as I can when I write, so how am I going to do this: well, I’m pretty direct anyway but I am going to be more conscious and confident to say what I am okay with and what I am not.

For anyone else on the same wave length as me, please believe that if someone or something makes you uncomfortable you can be heard if you SAY SOMETHING!

It’s two sides of a coin so the same goes that if someone says tell you they are uncomfortable with something HEAR THEM!

Man or Woman Enough?

Have you ever been called very “feminine” or very “masculine”? Man or woman there are connotations that come along with each description. So for today’s post I wanted to talk about what that really means. Guys don’t switch off – what I’m writing about applies to both genders.

I have recently decided to change my look. I had long hair and now I don’t. Before I did this I was very worried about looking like a man. Sounds trivial maybe but I was genuinely concerned that I would be mistaken for a man. I cut my hair anyway and have since noticed many women who have short hair, and they look nowhere near like a man. They rock it!

I’ve been thinking about this more and realised that what I think it is to look like a man, was actually more about appearing to be more masculine.

So this can be confusing, but what I mean is that if you’re a man you’re a man and if you’re a woman you’re a woman – that is your gender. However, there are women and men who are feminine and there are women and men who are masculine. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about and have met people like this.

The more I thought about this the more I realised that what I generally perceive as feminine or masculine is more about particular features. So, feminine women are generally petite, have long hair, wear flowy, cute dresses and have a higher pitched voice. In the same way the masculine men in general are tall, have short hair, wear tailored clothing and have a lower pitched voice. Interestingly, the two are opposites.

If you know me, you know that the description I just gave of a feminine woman is not me, not even close. Yet, I still perceive myself to be feminine. I had a clash in my mind when I decided to cut my hair because I saw it as taking away from my feminine.

In hindsight, I realise that this was an unhelpful way to see the scale of feminine to masculine. Why, – because anyone can change at least some of these external features. However, this does not automatically mean that their femininity or masculine changes.

I did some research into this and read different perspectives some of which where really interesting. For example, in a Ted talk called “We need to restore femininity” I learnt about the idea that femininity and masculinity is more about being creative or logical. I don’t agree but it was interesting.

From my perspective, femininity and masculinity are more about society’s expectations and such concepts change over time. I thought about an example: say 200 years ago in Europe a man wearing tights would not be viewed as feminine. Today things are different and I know few men who would be comfortable in tights. Depending on the time, culture and context ideas of masculinity change and evolve.

Having read different views, I came to the conclusion that how masculine or femininity you are is more about your energy. In the sense that more sensitive and emotional energy can be perceived as feminine. A more masculine energy would be competitive and blunt.

So what does this have to be with feminism and or practically fighting patriarchal attitudes? Well, I think it is important for more and more people to challenge very rigid ideas of masculinity and femininity. I think this is important because doing so gives us the freedom have both feminine and masculine energy and be our true selves.

I know it may sounds very self-help(ish). But I say this with genuine belief and with heart.

Let me break it down a little. Society perceives that if a man uses expressive hand gestures he is more feminine and I know men who have been criticised for being like this. But have you ever asked why? It is based on sexist assumptions that a man being like what is associated with being a woman, is negative. I honestly I find this viewpoint untrue and unhelpful.

I am encouraged though, because there is a wider conversation going on about toxic ideas of masculinity and I think this is so important.

What can we do in practice? Give these societal views a healthy challenge and in your own mind and in conversation reject the idea that certain characteristic dictate whether you are feminine or masculine.

This is a renewed revelation to me to as honestly, I have judged people’s personalities based on how masculine or feminine they are and I have also most definitely judged myself.

This is something I am trying to do – acknowledge when I reinforce ideas of femininity or masculinity and I encourage you to do the same.

How can you have her back?

Over the last week I have been thinking about what it means to support those around me but in particular the women as we live in an unequal society. I’ve read about the importance of having a support system around you and how a support system can improve your ability to manage stress, improve your mental health and decrease the levels of anxiety.

I wrote a little while ago about how I think patriarchy has screwed women over by making us compete with each other in unhealthy ways. This post is a bit of a follow up because having a support system is great and that all makes so much sense to me. But I want to be able to support those around me I know and love definitely but also the women around me I see working hard to be acknowledge in their field of expertise and heard without excuse, context or a premise.

Where has this come from? Well, at work in my team the women are very supportive of each other. We are all very, very different. One is empathetic and very good at coming up with ideas, the other authoritative and strategic, I am honest, objective and get stuff done. We all have different strengths.

However, outside my team there are some women who clearly don’t like me. I was in a meeting a few weeks ago and when I presented an idea to improve our digital engagement the reaction I got was not positive.

It was clear that they were not convinced by my idea which is fair. But, instead of asking for clarification I was met by scoffs and tuts. A passive aggressive “everything is digital” was thrown in there too.

I hear friends joke about how work can be like being back at school, in this case it was.

So why am I telling you all this? Basically, I think that there are practical ways that as women we can have each other’s back – this if for the men too (but I find the women are the serial offenders).  Here are some ideas:

• Accept that you won’t be best friends with everyone but be friendly and respectful to all you come across. I find that even just saying “good morning” to everyone as you walk into the office can go a long way.
• Celebrate the success of the women around you and when something good happens to them say “congratulations”, “well done”, “I’m happy for you” – their success is not your demise.
• Be a leader and a team player. When it is your time to lead, lead with confidence. When it is not your time to lead, have your manager or leader’s back. If you have a validate point to raise think about mentioning it in a one-to-one setting.
•  Learn from the women around you and other people’s successes and failures. If someone has done what you’re doing, ask them about it. I have not met anyone who is not willing or open to give advice (weigh whether it is good or bad advice).
• Be a mentor or be mentored. Generational differences can be such an advantage because you can help those coming up behind you or get help from someone who is further up the professional ladder to you.

I feel like I may be stepping into glossy women’s magazine “top-tips” territory. But , the point is, I want to have your back and I want you to have mine. I think this is the case particularly at work, because gender inequality can often be the most visible at work. Let’s change that!

Always, always negotiate

Let’s talk about the wage gap between men and women. This has been in the news a lot recently and the UK is serial offender when it comes to not paying women and men the same amount for the same job.

From what I gather, the gender pay gap is the percentage difference between average hourly earnings for men and women.

Before the recent media coverage on this, I thought it was an issue from 10 years ago but turns out it as a problem it is very current. Stats from the Office for National Statistics show that across the UK, men earned 18.4% more than women in April 2017.

So something is being done about this because next week, about 9,000 firms will have to calculate their gender pay gap and publish it on a government website by 4 April 2018, or 30 March for the public sector.

The more I read about the gender pay gap the more ludicrous unequal pay seems. There has been a Norwegian video circulating on social media which I think illustrates this really well. I may be sharing it again but definitely watch it!

When I started to look into the nuts and bolts of why men and women are paid differently, I came across so many articles and examples where the reason was that women did not negotiate their salary.

This surprised me but when I reflected I remembered that in my working life I have only negotiated a salary once. It’s true, I have more of my working life ahead of me than behind me, but for whatever reason I did not think to negotiate.

Some of the explanations I read said that in general women are taught not to advocate for themselves in the work place. Other viewpoints mentioned the fact that as women we tend to underestimate our professional impact. These are sweeping generalisations for sure but my biggest takeaway was I should always negotiate.

I wondered why when jobs are advertised there is a pay scale – I know it is often down to experience but my eyes have been opened. This is also a cue to negotiate. – always negotiate. This week a friend was offered a new job with a salary at the bottom end of their advertised scale. She was surprised to get this offer as she expected more.

When we talked about it some more I encouraged her to negotiate. She did and now because she asked, has improved her offer. Speaking to her throughout this experience has reinforced the lesson I am learning – negotiate, always negotiate.

My negotiating skills when it comes to jobs and salaries need some work, no doubt. But what I am grateful for, is the fact that I can learn this lesson now.

I’m choosing to see negotiating the salary for my next job role, as a way I can challenge the gender pay gap in practical way and be a part of changing the statics for the better.

Happy International Woman’s Day

Yesterday was international women’s day so “Happy International Women’s Day” to everyone.

In the wave of celebration of women’s achievements, I had a lot of people ask me why international women’s day is important. So I started looking into it and thought I would share this.

I didn’t realise this before but international women’s day was started with the aim of demanding that women be given the right to vote. First in the UK and then around the world.

Over the years this has morphed in so many calls for equality that relate to politics the pay gap, sexual harassment (#MeToo campaign) and loads more.

Here are some interesting stats

Globally

• Globally, women are paid less than men. Women in most countries earn on average only 60 to 75 per cent of men’s wages.
• Women bear disproportionate responsibility for unpaid care work. Women devote 1 to 3 hours more a day to housework than men; 2 to 10 times the amount of time a day to care (for children, elderly, and the sick), and 1 to 4 hours less a day to market activities.

• It is estimated that 35 per cent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner at some point in their lives. However, some national studies show that up to 70 per cent of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.

• Worldwide, almost 750 million women and girls alive today were married before their 18^thbirthday.

(Source: UN Women)

In Europe

• Women are far more likely to be taking care of a child on a regular basis in 2016. Among the 25 to 49 age group, 92% of women looked after a child regularly compared with 68% of men.
• In the world of work, on average only 33% of women in the EU were likely to hold a management position.
• The gender pay gap found across Europe in data collected in 2015. On average EU women earned 16.3% less than their male counterparts when comparing gross hourly wages.
• Women are a minority in all political roles in Europe. They accounted for just over 35% of representatives in the European Parliament and this rate dropped to 29% when considering national parliaments in data collected at the end of 2017.
• Only 10 heads of state or government out of 58 are women in the European Union and Norway and only eight of 27 European Commissioners are women.

(Source: Euro News)

Stats like these are why I am a feminist and why I celebrate international women’s day. I’m not sharing these stats to put a downer on your Friday. But they’re true, sadly. I wanted to share them so that if you end up in a conversation about International’s women’s day you could share why we celebrate the achievements of women around the world.

Hopefully for most people this does not take away from the achievements of men. For me the point is that we celebrate how far gender equality has come while acknowledging that we still have a long way to go. I know cliché but so true.

Let me wish you “Happy International Women’s Day” again and share this amazing video:

International Women’s Day Children reject the gender pay gap

Being female is not a punchline

This week I come to you with a problem that I really want a solution to. I think feminist or not you will understand and relate.

Not too long ago, I was in a pub with some friend and heard several comments that insult women and their bodies in more ways than I care to know about.

So as not to be crass, I will not go into detail. The context was that I overheard a group of men talking about some women they were interested in or dating. They were discussing how to get these women to what they wanted.

The conversation included stating that women were weak and emotional when they have their periods and several jokes were made about this. For anyone who has ever experienced a period, or spoken to someone who has had a period, it is no laughing matter.

Another observation is that this group also swore like troopers and because of the content of the conversation I was very aware that the swear words they used related to the female form (that’s a whole other blog post in and of itself).

What bothered me the most is that there were casual remarks about needing to control their partners. Someone even joked about giving a woman a “good beating”. Lord have mercy on my soul, I gasped when he said this. Abuse is not joke.

The difficulty I had was that because I was not part of this conversation it was very difficult to challenge what was being said. I reacted, and if you know me you know my reactions are not small exclamations but these were not people I know well. I was just part of the group of people who had decided to get together in a pub.

I am not a shy and retiring character so challenging someone who has said something sexist is not usually too difficult. But on this occasion it felt near impossible.

At the time I have thought about interjecting and using the “ask why” technique I talked about in my Why can you not hear me? post when they referred to women on their period as emotional and weak. But I knew this would just cause an unproductive argument.

I also thought I could use repetition to try and highlight the absurdity of what they were saying. This would not have worked as their conversation was fast moving and by the time I had thought of how to expose their ludicrous thinking they were on to something else.

In hindsight I wonder whether I should have just dived in and been OK to have a non-constructive argument. But even as I think about it now I don’t have any practical ideas of how I could have challenged their sexist thinking.

Maybe they were joking and I fully acknowledge that humour can help people and society deal with a lot of the prejudice that exists. But I want to be proactive and be prepared for when sexism rears its ugly head.

I’ve been doing some research and there are some celebrities who have become absolute legends at being able to challenge sexism. It makes sense that they are because Hollywood and the entertainment industry in the UK are well known for the patriarchal foundations. I’m going to try and pick up some tips. So as inspiration here a good compilation of examples:

• Top 10 Celebs Who Shut Down Sexist Interview Questions
• 11 Times Stars Shut Down Sexist Comments

I’m storing up comebacks

When are you crying the sexism wolf?

Last week I wrote about how saying something sexist does not make you sexist. However, I may have given the impression that whenever someone says something is sexist you must passively accept it, and there ends the conversation. But that was not what I was trying to say and want to share with you my more proactive approach.

I have been thinking about this some more and think that sometimes people cry wolf and call something sexist that may not be sexist.

I have been in situations where I have been told that what I said was sexist. Thankfully this does not happen often but I’m always surprised when this happens.

For example, I described a professional woman as an “executive type” because she has very strong leadership and managerial skills and honestly she is a little intimidating. I was told this was sexist and at the time I accepted this but on reflection I don’t think it was.

The reason I don’t think it was is because it was not defamatory and I could objectively say this to a man or a woman.

This interaction made me think about the definition of sexism and what it means not to be sexist. When I asked Google, the commonly accepted definition of sexism is; prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex.

In practice, I think the key part of this definition is the assumptions. I think not being sexist means not attributing a quality (like being emotional, strong or quiet) to any particular sex. Instead I think it is about respecting people as people not based on their sex. How would you define sexism and how does it play out in the conversations you have?

As a feminist I get called overly sensitive all the time. This has made me consider how one can know when something is and is not sexist. So, I have come up with my own sexist stress test to check whether someone is crying sexist wolf. I ask the following questions to help me decide.

1. Is it derogatory? – If yes, could be sexist
2. Would I say that to a man (if speaking to a woman)? – If no, could be sexist
3. Would I say that to a woman (if speaking to a man)? – If no, could be sexist

For example, I was called emotional because I had a strong reaction to Trump’s “locker room talk”. And the truth is yes, objectively I had an emotional reaction. However, if I use my stress test and ask is this a derogatory comment; based on the tone of the conversation, yes it was a derogatory comment. I then ask, would the person making this comment say the same thing to a man, – I don’t think so.

Once I have gone through this stress-test, I can confidently challenge this as sexist.

I’d be interested to know how you know whether something is sexist or not as my stress test is not exhaustive by any means.

People cry wolf when it comes to sexism, no doubt. But part of the reason I started this blog is because I want to think of practical ways I can constructively challenge sexism and patriarchy.

I find this stress-test so helpful because it gives me some assurance when challenging something as sexist. The “stress test” is a work in progress that will hopefully mean over time I will be able to discern sexism and challenge it effectively.