Why Hate the Angry Feminists

After the last blog I wrote, a friend said to me that while she can understand that feminism helps me to understand the world, for her it makes her angry because she can see how pervasive patriarchy is.

This got me thinking about the perception that a lot of people have of feminists. I asked some friends what their perception of feminists were and they said feminists are “shouty” and loud. They are “overbearing” and “preachy”. I did some superficial research and when you type in angry feminist into Google the results are very extreme. Images of the Russian rebels Pussy Riot and punks with colourful hair, who appear to hate authority and structure.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I can be an angry feminist but I’m not sure that is a bad thing. Let me explain why:

I had a conversation with some friends and I asked them why they are not feminists. They said, “because you guys are a lot.” I was surprised and asked what they meant. They said that for them feminism is only about promoting the rights of women and that they would call them an “equalist”.  You won’t be surprised to know what I explained that feminist is about equality between the genders but anyway, the conversation moved on to discuss how feminists are perceived.

The words they used to describe feminists was “aggressive”, “in your face”, “opinionated”. I was shocked and asked them if that is how they perceived me. They said no, not feminists like me but most.

I am in a fortunate position in that I have met many feminists and maybe I am biased but I would not perceive any of them to be this way. My experience is that women who openly claim to be feminists are articulate and are upstanding members of society.  I know this is a sweeping generalisation, but I have not met many of the “angry” one’s. I

do wonder why women being seen as feminists is so negative. Especially because when men are described in the exact same way the connotations are very different. I don’t know maybe I am the “angry” feminist and no one wanted to say it to my face? That aside, I feel like patriarchy has done a good job of tarnishing the name and image of a feminist.

I always want to be as practical as possible so I was reflecting on how I could have communicated the fact that feminists are not angry and aggressive and I came across the following examples:

1. It is unreasonable to see all feminists as angry or aggressive because it plays on a stereotype and is sexist. It like saying all black people are rough or “ghetto”. It’s racist and true.
2. Saying all feminists are angry is not based on fact because no universal survey has been done on all feminists asking them about their emotions and feelings to establish this. (To condescending – the irony that this may come across as angry!)
3. Having an emotion alongside is objectively not a bad thing. Anyone, in almost any context can be angry and hold a political or social view. You can have angry liberals or angry conservative, that’s not objectively a bad thing.
4. Even if you disagree and think all feminists are angry,  why is tat a bad thing? Women live in a world where they have been denied political, social, economic and religious power, why shouldn’t they be angry.

I don’t know if these are helpful for you but as over the years I have had conversations like these often I found it useful to spend the time to think about how I would respond.  Hopefully now I will be more prepared. I would love to know what your responses would be.

To end on a positive note, here are some of my favourite feminists for anyone to reference when dispelling the myth of the “angry” and “aggressive” feminist:

• Maya Angelou
• Bell hooks
• Malala Yousafzai
• Chimamanda ngozi adichie
• Roxane Gay
• Ruth Bader Ginsburg
• Angela Davis
• Coretta Scott King
• Yoko Ono

The Movement is Strong!

Does feminism explain the world around us?

I find myself having very interesting conversations since I started writing this blog. Not too long ago, a friend said to me that they don’t think Feminism is important and that they will never describe themselves as a feminist because it does not explain the world. They said that as a theory it does not help us to understand each other nor a political framework. This got me thinking, does feminism explain the world around me and does it need to?

To give you some context, I started describing myself as a feminist before I understood the perception a lot of people have of feminism. I was a feminist because I believed it to be a theory that recognises the imbalance of power between men and women. This is still the case and having studied feminism I am more convinced of this.

But I know for a lot people their worldview or theoretical understanding needs to be around a concept that explains the world around us. For a lot of people feminism does not do this, but for me it does. But let me explain why and give you some context.

I talked about how faith and feminism can come together in last week’s post and I have a scenario that took place in church a while back that may explain to why I think feminism explains the world around us.  I ended up having a conversation with a stranger about how men and women in a church should relate and how some roles are better suited to men rather than women and vice versa. FYI I’m not going to get into the should women be leaders in the church debate – that is a post for another time.

Their view was that women are naturally more caring and nurturing. They are mothers and wives and so should be responsible for hospitality and teaching the children in the church Christian values. I don’t have an issue with women who want to help with hospitality and Sunday school but I don’t want to feel that is my place or role in church. While I love children and I’d describe myself as friendly, this is not me.

So where does Feminism come into this?

Feminism has taught me that I don’t need to accept other people’s perspectives and ideas of what I should do and be based on my gender. What does that mean in practice? Well, it means I can respectful disagree with the stranger I had a conversation with and feel confident enough to challenge why I am qualified to do some things and not other based on my gender.

Seeing things with a feminist lens, I think, makes me more open-minded and I feel I can understand that their perspective of the roles men and women have in society is based on the gender norms that they have been taught. I am using some flowery, language here I know, but bear with me. What I am getting at, is that I feel freer seeing the world from a feminist perspective. I can see how power whether in church, at work, in politics or even on TV makes society a restrictive place that encourages some while criticising others.

I am aware that I am in danger of being arrogant and assuming that most of the world around me is not as woke and doesn’t fully see the feminist perspective – this is not my intention. What I am saying is that in reality, not feeling bound to restrictive gender norms is so empowering. It is also so helpful because as a ethnic minority, black, female living in the UK I am less angry at the world around me because I can see the patriarchal forces at play and I can choose to opt out.

Do feminism and faith mix?

#FFS is back! Sorry guys, I’ve been MIA during the month of May. But it is June and I have been thinking about and sourcing some new content. Today I want to talk about how feminism and faith interact – disclaimer I do not speak for or represent all feminists of faith, obviously.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently and they asked me how I can be a Christian and a feminist. Funnily enough, I also had a parallel conversation where I was asked how I can be a feminist, when I was in church. What it made me realise is that for a lot of people the two are completely separate, mutually exclusive, oil and water. BUt even more so both labels per se have very strong associations (what can I say, I am a strong-minded person).

But in all seriousness, I have been thinking about how being a person of faith and being a feminist relate. The reason I’ve been thinking about this is because faith shapes many of our values, beliefs and how we live so I think it’s important to think about what the bible, qua-ran, Torah or Tripitaka say about women.

As a Christian I can only reference the Christian faith. I have often wondered how I can be a Christian and a feminist myself. Especially when I read 1 Tim. 2:11-12, 1 Cor. 14:34-35. These verses I’ll be honest I do not understand and they frustrate me. The feminist in me has a critical eye open and I am seeking to understand what they mean, how they are relevant and in what context they relevant. In truth, I cannot profess to have all the answers by any stretch.

In the same vein, I believe in the fundamental equality of human beings. Not the sameness but their equality and the beauty in that diversity. I sound like a hippie, I know but I kind of am one. I believe we all have an innate value and that our worth or capability is not dictated by our gender. That’s one of the reason I am a feminist and interestingly my faith informs those beliefs.

It’s complicated. And I have considered how feminism also interacts with cultural values and norms, how it may be relevant. I also thought about whether feminism is an unhelpful political construct. All that being said what I think is important is being able to trash out the concept of feminism. That way I can be confident that I have not blindly chosen to be a feminist but have made and continue to make an informed decision.

Man or Woman Enough?

Have you ever been called very “feminine” or very “masculine”? Man or woman there are connotations that come along with each description. So for today’s post I wanted to talk about what that really means. Guys don’t switch off – what I’m writing about applies to both genders.

I have recently decided to change my look. I had long hair and now I don’t. Before I did this I was very worried about looking like a man. Sounds trivial maybe but I was genuinely concerned that I would be mistaken for a man. I cut my hair anyway and have since noticed many women who have short hair, and they look nowhere near like a man. They rock it!

I’ve been thinking about this more and realised that what I think it is to look like a man, was actually more about appearing to be more masculine.

So this can be confusing, but what I mean is that if you’re a man you’re a man and if you’re a woman you’re a woman – that is your gender. However, there are women and men who are feminine and there are women and men who are masculine. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about and have met people like this.

The more I thought about this the more I realised that what I generally perceive as feminine or masculine is more about particular features. So, feminine women are generally petite, have long hair, wear flowy, cute dresses and have a higher pitched voice. In the same way the masculine men in general are tall, have short hair, wear tailored clothing and have a lower pitched voice. Interestingly, the two are opposites.

If you know me, you know that the description I just gave of a feminine woman is not me, not even close. Yet, I still perceive myself to be feminine. I had a clash in my mind when I decided to cut my hair because I saw it as taking away from my feminine.

In hindsight, I realise that this was an unhelpful way to see the scale of feminine to masculine. Why, – because anyone can change at least some of these external features. However, this does not automatically mean that their femininity or masculine changes.

I did some research into this and read different perspectives some of which where really interesting. For example, in a Ted talk called “We need to restore femininity” I learnt about the idea that femininity and masculinity is more about being creative or logical. I don’t agree but it was interesting.

From my perspective, femininity and masculinity are more about society’s expectations and such concepts change over time. I thought about an example: say 200 years ago in Europe a man wearing tights would not be viewed as feminine. Today things are different and I know few men who would be comfortable in tights. Depending on the time, culture and context ideas of masculinity change and evolve.

Having read different views, I came to the conclusion that how masculine or femininity you are is more about your energy. In the sense that more sensitive and emotional energy can be perceived as feminine. A more masculine energy would be competitive and blunt.

So what does this have to be with feminism and or practically fighting patriarchal attitudes? Well, I think it is important for more and more people to challenge very rigid ideas of masculinity and femininity. I think this is important because doing so gives us the freedom have both feminine and masculine energy and be our true selves.

I know it may sounds very self-help(ish). But I say this with genuine belief and with heart.

Let me break it down a little. Society perceives that if a man uses expressive hand gestures he is more feminine and I know men who have been criticised for being like this. But have you ever asked why? It is based on sexist assumptions that a man being like what is associated with being a woman, is negative. I honestly I find this viewpoint untrue and unhelpful.

I am encouraged though, because there is a wider conversation going on about toxic ideas of masculinity and I think this is so important.

What can we do in practice? Give these societal views a healthy challenge and in your own mind and in conversation reject the idea that certain characteristic dictate whether you are feminine or masculine.

This is a renewed revelation to me to as honestly, I have judged people’s personalities based on how masculine or feminine they are and I have also most definitely judged myself.

This is something I am trying to do – acknowledge when I reinforce ideas of femininity or masculinity and I encourage you to do the same.