Man or Woman Enough?

Have you ever been called very “feminine” or very “masculine”? Man or woman there are connotations that come along with each description. So for today’s post I wanted to talk about what that really means. Guys don’t switch off – what I’m writing about applies to both genders.

I have recently decided to change my look. I had long hair and now I don’t. Before I did this I was very worried about looking like a man. Sounds trivial maybe but I was genuinely concerned that I would be mistaken for a man. I cut my hair anyway and have since noticed many women who have short hair, and they look nowhere near like a man. They rock it!

I’ve been thinking about this more and realised that what I think it is to look like a man, was actually more about appearing to be more masculine.

So this can be confusing, but what I mean is that if you’re a man you’re a man and if you’re a woman you’re a woman – that is your gender. However, there are women and men who are feminine and there are women and men who are masculine. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about and have met people like this.

The more I thought about this the more I realised that what I generally perceive as feminine or masculine is more about particular features. So, feminine women are generally petite, have long hair, wear flowy, cute dresses and have a higher pitched voice. In the same way the masculine men in general are tall, have short hair, wear tailored clothing and have a lower pitched voice. Interestingly, the two are opposites.

If you know me, you know that the description I just gave of a feminine woman is not me, not even close. Yet, I still perceive myself to be feminine. I had a clash in my mind when I decided to cut my hair because I saw it as taking away from my feminine.

In hindsight, I realise that this was an unhelpful way to see the scale of feminine to masculine. Why, – because anyone can change at least some of these external features. However, this does not automatically mean that their femininity or masculine changes.

I did some research into this and read different perspectives some of which where really interesting. For example, in a Ted talk called “We need to restore femininity” I learnt about the idea that femininity and masculinity is more about being creative or logical. I don’t agree but it was interesting.

From my perspective, femininity and masculinity are more about society’s expectations and such concepts change over time. I thought about an example: say 200 years ago in Europe a man wearing tights would not be viewed as feminine. Today things are different and I know few men who would be comfortable in tights. Depending on the time, culture and context ideas of masculinity change and evolve.

Having read different views, I came to the conclusion that how masculine or femininity you are is more about your energy. In the sense that more sensitive and emotional energy can be perceived as feminine. A more masculine energy would be competitive and blunt.

So what does this have to be with feminism and or practically fighting patriarchal attitudes? Well, I think it is important for more and more people to challenge very rigid ideas of masculinity and femininity. I think this is important because doing so gives us the freedom have both feminine and masculine energy and be our true selves.

I know it may sounds very self-help(ish). But I say this with genuine belief and with heart.

Let me break it down a little. Society perceives that if a man uses expressive hand gestures he is more feminine and I know men who have been criticised for being like this. But have you ever asked why? It is based on sexist assumptions that a man being like what is associated with being a woman, is negative. I honestly I find this viewpoint untrue and unhelpful.

I am encouraged though, because there is a wider conversation going on about toxic ideas of masculinity and I think this is so important.

What can we do in practice? Give these societal views a healthy challenge and in your own mind and in conversation reject the idea that certain characteristic dictate whether you are feminine or masculine.

This is a renewed revelation to me to as honestly, I have judged people’s personalities based on how masculine or feminine they are and I have also most definitely judged myself.

This is something I am trying to do – acknowledge when I reinforce ideas of femininity or masculinity and I encourage you to do the same.